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'I am falling apart'
I am assured that what was falling apart were some of my ideas. All I had to do was to endure a period of uncertainty until I could construct ideas that better reflected my situation..
not reliving the memories of what use to be and what is no longer and what would have been.... what is lost and why am I broken..
its the pain of knowing how much of oneself has been invested with time and care... genuine deep rooted love..
'some' friendships can be so risky. that's my view from behind the walls... we become exposed to great emotional danger, leaving us feeling insulted, humiliated and completely shattered, broken....dishevelled.. all of the above and more.
The degree of risk we perceive from a friend relates to the levels of confidence we hold in ourselves. It seems when we are feeling confident we are more able to deal with moments of being made to feel invalidated, and when we lack confidence we feel threatened and in danger ..... Where it all began? ... I am still trying to figure out!
In reflection, there was no need to feel that way. I was just not ready to accept change. I was unable to allow my 'friend' to change.
To feel secure in ourselves, we art to be able to make accurate predictions and assumptions. We believe we know our friends well, and so can predict their actions, reactions and reasonings, We paint that mental picture of our friends in all their glory and we want to keep them within the bounds of that image. Our need to do this can override our ability to see our friends in the way they see themselves. We do not want them to change because then we would have to change our image of them and we may have to change in accordance to them..
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Change creates uncertainty, and uncertainty can be frightening......
However, our inability to allow change can lead to the end of a friendship. Falling out with a friend shows us that our image of them, from which we derived our predictions about that friend, is wrong; and if that is the case, our sense of being a person is threatened.
You may agree or we may agree to disagree...